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MY STORY
Family
According to my grandparents, I was born and raised in Lebanon and have some Palestinian ancestors. When I pay them a visit, I'm always curious about their experiences fleeing their homeland in 1948 and living in Lebanon during the civil war from 1975 to 1990. My parents, particularly my mother, were badly affected by the war and still suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). My parents, on the other hand, went above and beyond as a result of their trauma, and they continue to do so now. They have developed and provided the finest chances for me and my elder brother that are vital to our futures.
My brother, who is 4 years older than me, is now in the UK studying engineering. He is my greatest role model, and he inspires me to do my best. He put forth a lot of effort to achieve his goals, including becoming a top student in high school, breaking multiple Lebanese swimming records, and studying at one of the greatest universities in the UK. in addition to my parents, my brother is the most important support system I have, and I don't know how I would have dealt with the challenges I've had throughout my life if it weren't for him.
Swimming
I've loved swimming since I was a child. It was something I had always looked forward to. My parents instilled in me a strong desire to participate in sports and exercise, which I have continued to do for the most of my life. Tennis, decathlon, watersports, skiing, and, most significantly, swimming are just a few of the activities I participate in. I've been referred to as the "swimmer girl" throughout my 15 years in this world. And I've had this title and need to refer to myself as a Lebanese national swimmer ever since. It offered me a unique viewpoint on other people, and it was clearly the image I wanted to project.
I remember my swimming life as clearly as it can be. From the age of three until I was nine, I began by learning the fundamentals and how to swim. I was offered private sessions with a coach at the club. This part of learning to swim was the one I despised the most. I wanted to go quicker and better every day, but I was bored of being alone and performing at the same level for so long. And that's till when I was around 10 when my mom started taking me to the national team, where my brother already trained. I wasn't yet a member of the national team, but because my brother trained there, I was able to swim with the kids. Being on a team with top swimmers was a lot of fun and exciting, and it really motivated me to train and improve. I was eventually qualified for the Lebanese national team at the age of 11 and began training more.
However, being one of the team's youngest members, I had a difficult relationship with my coach and teammates. For a long period, my coach ignored me and always prioritized the older swimmers. My teammates were all older than me, and they all saw me as the youthful, sluggish swimmer. It severely shook my confidence, and between the ages of 11 and 12, I began to dislike the sport.
My brother, however, was in his prime years, and was really training hard with my coach’s eye on him. After several championships, I really wanted to feel what I felt for this sport, and I would go begging to my parents to change my team for about a year. It was a tough decision and hard move because of Ryan's position in the team, and the politics between the coaches and teams in the Lebanese federation. Till today, the lebanese federation intertwines the politics and needs of the people with the swimmers. It is something that has made the sport unfair and de-motivating.
Achievements and Hardships
The change I've always desired was finally occurring after a long time. I was able to persuade my parents and brother to start over and train with a more elite team. My brother had just returned from the World Cup and was in his prime at the time. However, I was 12 years old and had yet to begin my journey. My new coach was really demanding, and the first year was extremely difficult for me. I wasn't used to being under so much pressure and working so hard in sports. I developed so much and made enormous progress in my timings that season after 6 months of training about 6 times a week, with each session being 2 hours long and around 7 kilometers long. People began to notice me, and I went on to win three gold medals and two silver medals. I was 13 years old. A few months later, word spread that the Arab championships would be held in Morocco in the beginning of August. When I heard it, I didn't think twice since international competitions seemed completely out of my league, and I labeled it as "competitions my brother can go to."I never imagined I'd be qualified and chosen to represent my country internationally. After about two weeks, my parents informed me that I have been qualified and that I must work hard next month in order to obtain outstanding results. I didn't make it sound like a big thing at the time, but I was so happy, frightened, and under pressure. It was my first time out of my comfort zone, and I had no idea what to anticipate or how things worked. My mother, on the other hand, was able to accompany me and assist me during the journey. Arab championships is an experience I will always remember, and it is what motivates me to achieve better even now.
Covid-19
My entire life changed dramatically between the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020. It did for everyone. The Covid-19 pandemic emerged, and it was a lethal virus at the time. Since then, everything has changed for me, and Lebanon has begun to experience its current economic crisis, making conditions extremely stressful. I was living by the day, and my future was unknown. I had just begun eighth grade, yet I don't recall a single day of it. In March 2020, the whole country was quarantined, and no one could do anything or go anywhere for months.
Living in a nation like Lebanon was difficult, and it took time to adjust. I was out of school for approximately two months since my country was so out of date, and they had no clue such a thing as online learning existed. It was may until I started online school and let me tell you, I don't remember anything that I learned or went through in these last 2 months. I only know I was frustrated and felt strange not having been in the water for months. I have never stopped swimming for more than 2-3 weeks in my 14 years on earth. I felt strange, and I gradually began to lose my strength and motivation to accomplish anything.
It wasn't until July-August that I was able to return to training, and till restrictions was gradually improving. The situation in Lebanon, on the other hand, was not ideal; we were already in the midst of a crisis, which was exacerbated by the country's lockdown. When I returned to training, I was demotivated, exhausted, and concerned since I was so confused and didn't know what to do. I was exercising and training with no motivation or goal in mind. It was the most difficult year of my life. I felt like I had wasted a whole year, a year in which I could have been swimming, growing, and achieving great things.
2021, on the other hand, was a more consistent year. Going into another lockdown from February to about April was so usual for me at the time, and all I could do was hope for the best in the approaching months. Life resumed when the curfew was lifted and Lebanon began to return to normalcy. I had new teammates and a new environment, and I was quite pleased to see my best friends after a long period. I trained relatively well that year since I was so lost and everything seemed so pointless. I had a great summer and met a lot of new acquaintances, which made me quite pleased after losing so much time in the previous year. Life was getting better, but I was still lost and confused.
Leaving Lebanon
Lebanon was going through a tough period prior to the beginning of the academic year. One year after the port of Beirut explosion, the economy was deteriorating, and there were numerous shortages of gasoline, basic goods, and basic natural resources. My parents were quite concerned about my future, and there were frequent discussions of leaving Lebanon to attend a school in Dubai and continue my life there. I didn't take it seriously, but I did apply to school and was pleased to have the opportunity to leave my country. It was an exciting move at first since I was sick of the circumstances in Lebanon and really needed a fresh start.
A month later, my family decided to take a short trip to Dubai. We also went to look at schools to see if there were any openings for me. I wasn't prepared since I wasn't sure whether I'd be accepted to a new school. GIS, the school where I am presently enrolled, wrote me an email welcoming me to their school two weeks into my holiday. At the time, I had to decide whether to stay in Dubai and start a new life or return to Lebanon. However, staying in Dubai would be a difficult move, but returning to Lebanon would be detrimental to my future. All of my friends and family were there to support me, which made my decision much more tough.Also, if I decide to stay in dubai, I had to go without saying goodbye, which was tough for me, especially as it took some time for me to get back into my surroundings and routine after covid.
I opted to stay here for the sake of my future after a week of thought and simply taking my time with my decision. I knew it would be difficult for me at first, but I had to give it my best go. I started at my new school the next week, and things were difficult for me because I was in a whole different school curriculum and didn't have any friends. I didn't have my belongings or a steady place to live in, and it was all quite frantic and upsetting at first. I also had to restart swimming, and I was trying out at Hamilton Aquatics while attempting to be consistent and adjust to my new routine.
As a female athlete, I had to consider numerous factors while deciding to move to Dubai. I've always wondered about my future if I stayed in Lebanon, a nation where my fundamental and basic rights aren't even guaranteed. I had very few possibilities in both swimming and school. However, living in Lebanon for most of my life has many disadvantages for someone like me, but it has helped me in many ways, including leadership skills, adaptability, and not taking things for granted in my life. It also made me stronger and tougher when it comes to the real world.
I was suffering so much during my first few months in Dubai. I went from being the most sociable person, with tons of friends, things to do, and places I'm familiar with, to not having any friends and being in a completely new country and house. For a long time, I wasn't performing well in swimming because of my inconsistency and instability in everything. I was getting high grades and concentrating on my studies while still attempting to keep swimming as a priority. I started doing better after a few competitions, but I know it will require more time and consistency. Thankfully, I had my family and friends from Lebanon visit me in Dubai for a while, which made me happy and comfortable again. Hard work just needs time and commitment, which is what I'm aiming for right now. Overall, I value being a Lebanese female athlete because it has shaped and strengthened my foundation. It helped me see things from many perspectives and learn how to deal with what life had to offer. As difficult as it was for me to go through so much due to the negative aspects of my nation, I will always be proud of my background and where it all began for me.